Age Level Expressions of Grief
Birth - 18 months
Needs
- Needs nurturing care and protection
- Needs closeness to their primary caretakers
- Consistency in environment and routines
Reactions
- Disturbed sleeping patterns
- Eating habits change
- Clinging to caretaker
- Lethargy (passive)
Parent's Response
- Maintain consistency in environment
- Keep the atmosphere calming (no arguing)
- Gradually make changes in lifestyle
- Minimal separation from primary caretaker
Toddler (18 months - 2 years)
Needs
- Fears losing primary caretaker's love
- Don't cope well with multiple changes
- Self-centered
- Keenly aware of non-verbal expressions
- Home and family are important and begin to realize they are missing someone
- Unable to verbalize feelings, may act them out
- Bewilderment
Reactions
- Irritability - anxiety
- Change in temperament/personality
- Clingy, demands for affection or approval
- Daily asking for parent that is not present
- Physical aggression, hitting, biting, bullying
Parent's Response
- Nurture abundantly with holding, cuddling
- Assure consistently of your love for them
- Limit separation from primary caretaker
- Consistency in routines
- Teach appropriate ways to relapse hostility/frustration
- Simple explanations of divorce, enforcing it is not their fault
- Spend meaningful time with each parent if possible
3-5 years
Needs
- Realize that they are separate from others
- Self-centered
- Realize someone is missing in family unit
- Believe their actions control other's behavior
- Identify with opposite sex partner
- Fears abandonment
- Crying
- Yearning for absent parent
Reactions
- Maintains fantasies of non-custodial parent's return
- Regression in behavior, bed wetting, thumb sucking
- Irritable
- Aggression and hostility
Parent's Response
- Attention - time together
- Nurturing through cuddling
- Explain changes that are occurring
- Teach appropriate ways to release hostility, aggression
- Reassure parent's love
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