What can parents do to help their children heal?
Here is a partial list of things you can do to help your children heal after a divorce or separation. We're open to suggestions if you want to add more.
- Love them unconditionally
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Tell them you love them in lots of different ways. Try saying:
- The best thing I like about you is.
- I am so proud of you
- I am so very lucky to have a son/daughter like you
- Thanks for being my son/daughter
- Forgive me
- It's not your fault
- You are the best
- Come to me when you need to talk
- Thank you for all your support through this
- Thank you for looking after your brother/sister
- Treat them with respect
- Talk to them from the heart about your feelings and theirs
- Listen to them and accept them for who they are
- Care for them, both emotionally and physically
- Let them know you are human too and are also experiencing great hurt
- Let them openly express their love for both parents
- Ensure they are active in both parents' lives (barring safety concerns)
- Continue to set rules and reinforce limits - they need structure and stability more than ever!
- Inform them of decisions that involve them and reasons as to why and how they were made
- Answer their questions honestly, to the best of your judgment
- Inform them of the "nuts and bolts" of the custody arrangement
- Let them know they are not to blame for the divorce or separation
- Help them to understand and believe that they are still part of a family that now just happens to have two locations
- Say only positive things about your ex-spouse . saying horrible things will hurt your children's feelings
- Avoid placing them in the middle by asking them to be the "negative message carrier" or "family spy"
- Ask for their forgiveness for causing them pain
- Write them a letter telling them how you feel
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